Avoiding Impulsivity: Tips for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired

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We focus on building ourselves in the right direction at the Trauma Compass. This also means knowing the wrong direction. Many people have heard of HALT before; it’s an acronym for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired. These also could be seen as the Four Horseman of the Emotional Apocalypse. When we’re in these states, we’re often more vulnerable to getting ourselves hurt, hurting others, impulsive actions, substance use, and much more. Understanding the direction you want to avoid going can help you correct yourself. Like getting lost in the rocky mountains, it is helpful to maintain a focal point. Otherwise, you’re just going to keep going around and around in a circle. Let’s explore why these are important and what you can do about it.

Hungry: The Snackless Menace

Food is a cornerstone of our daily lives; we may love or hate it. However, insufficient fuel in our system can significantly alter our mood, making us aggressive and irritable. This is a powerful reminder of the intricate connection between our physical state and our emotional well-being.   

In my family, food is vital, and days are planned around it. I distinctly remember my Mom planning a trip to Zoo Lights and insisting we eat first because she refused to deal with a hangry daughter, stepdaughter, and husband. My friends and previous partners have also learned that the moment I say, “I’m hungry,” we better start looking for food. I become a bear when I’m hungry and often seek food out at any cost, making impulsive decisions to meet my needs.

Complex Posttraumatic Stress Disorder can impact our ability to recognize our hunger cues, especially if we have trauma stemming from childhood. We may not even remember how important it is to eat and to keep a regular eating schedule. However, being hungry leaves us vulnerable and may push us into dysregulation.

Finding True North: Asking when you’ve last eaten or agreeing not to make the next move until you check in with your stomach may save you and the people around you a world of hurt. Having a snack in your purse, or bag could support you in this. Having a cup of noodles at your desk at work, or a granola bar you can snack on will keep you from trying to figure out what you’re supposed to be eating next.

Angry: The Fire-Breathing Fury

Just as important as food is to us, anger can be just as damaging. Anger is often called a “secondary” emotion. We might use anger to manage ourselves because it’s easier than feeling pain, sadness, or annoyance. I find myself saying things I don’t always mean when angry.

I remember one time when I was angry, I almost ordered a full “evil queen” outfit to fit the person I thought my friend saw me as. I was angry at her and felt much pain and sadness over what had happened. If I had gone with my anger, I would have spent hundreds of dollars on an outfit that would have been sitting in my closet for quite a long time or until the following Halloween. My impulse would not only hurt my friend if I were to wear the outfit during our talk but would have created an impulsive decision that would cost me hard-earned money when I needed to be penny-pinching.

Finding True North: When you feel angry, investing time into recognizing the other emotions and calling on other skills may save you time, pain, or unwanted stress and help you maintain healthy relationships with those you may be lashing out at. Even if the result ends the relationship, it will often feel better, and you will feel more accepting of your responses if you take the time to step back and use your skills before responding. These skills may include just taking a breath, focusing on your surroundings, making a list of your safety and danger cues, or taking a moment to ask yourself what to do next.Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

Just as important as food is to us, anger can be just as damaging. Anger is often called a “secondary” emotion. We might use anger to manage ourselves because it’s easier than feeling pain, sadness, or annoyance. I find myself saying things I don’t always mean when angry.

I remember one time when I was angry, I almost ordered a full “evil queen” outfit to fit the person I thought my friend saw me as. I was angry at her and felt much pain and sadness over what had happened. If I had gone with my anger, I would have spent hundreds of dollars on an outfit that would have been sitting in my closet for quite a long time or until the following Halloween. My impulse would not only hurt my friend if I were to wear the outfit during our talk but would have created an impulsive decision that would cost me hard-earned money when I needed to be penny-pinching.

Finding True North: When you feel angry, investing time into recognizing the other emotions and calling on other skills may save you time, pain, or unwanted stress and help you maintain healthy relationships with those you may be lashing out at. Even if the result ends the relationship, it will often feel better, and you will feel more accepting of your responses if you take the time to step back and use your skills before responding. These skills may include just taking a breath, focusing on your surroundings, making a list of your safety and danger cues, or taking a moment to ask yourself what to do next.

Lonely: The Ghost of Left-On-Read

Loneliness is one of the more challenging of these vulnerabilities. When we are lonely, we often don’t want to reach out to anyone, and we lose track of who we are and our ability to have agency in our lives.

Loneliness has been seen as one of the top things to work on in emotional first aid. It can send us spiraling in a direction we don’t want to be in and may keep us from being the person we want to be.

In graduate school, I had a lot of negative beliefs and depression. I had not recovered from some childhood trauma and attachment issues that stemmed from moving around in childhood and attachment challenges from college. Often, my brain would tell me that I wasn’t worth talking to, that reaching out to others wasn’t an option, and that all of my emotions needed to be kept shoved down (yeah, I had a lot of work to do before becoming the therapist and person I am today). It wasn’t until I was out of school that I could start finding ways to engage more, and I started seeing myself as important and valuable. My life was meant to be more, with others involved. When I was 25, I finally found a group of people that I trusted, and it expanded from there.

If I had let my loneliness win, I would not have the support system I currently have, and I would be maintaining relationships with anyone I could, leading me to unhealthy paths.

Finding True North: When in a good headspace, identify a loneliness call list. Have this saved on your phone or on a piece of paper. Even better would be to come up with ways people may be able to support you in those times and communicate with them when you’re doing well. Often, we forget that on our good days, it’s just as essential to engage in coping skills as in our off times. If you’re at a point of large transition in your life and have limited support systems look at other options including 7cups.com, joining a group on meetup, finding a Facebook group that explores connection, or even looking inward to yourself to identify the nurturer you have.

Tired: The Sleepless Wanderer

One of my college friends’ favorite things was to make a book of quotes I would say when I was tired. When I hadn’t had enough sleep or had taken too much time to study, I would often become foggy. My thought process was slowed down, and I felt like I was on a show called “Tired People Say the Darndest Things.” Now, it makes me laugh; I found it embarrassing back then.

Being tired doesn’t just put us in embarrassing situations. It’s often cited that it can impair our driving so much that it is similar to drunk driving. In addition, being tired can hurt how we interact with other people. I have a strange rule in my house that no one brings up anything significant past 9:30. Big fights often started then, and I was past my window of handling minor issues.

Finding True North: Checking in with yourself, allowing yourself time to chill before you speak, and recognizing the danger of being tired can save you a lot of heartache. Learn the art of taking 20-minute naps, ensure good sleep hygiene, limit your caffeine intake, and say no to things that might be taking up your energy, such as your phone, that TV show, or a talk that goes too late into the night.

What to do now?

We’ve all been there—snapping at someone because we’re hangry, firing off a regrettable text in a fit of anger, feeling stuck in a loneliness spiral, or fumbling through a conversation half-asleep. HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) might sound simple, but these emotional states have a sneaky way of steering us off course if we’re not paying attention.

At The Trauma Compass, we believe in recognizing these “Four Horsemen of the Emotional Apocalypse” to help us find our way back to our true north. But here’s the fun part—we want to hear from YOU!

What’s your most hilarious or relatable HALT moment? Maybe you’ve gone on a hangry food rampage, bought something outrageous out of anger, or had a late-night argument that made zero sense. Drop your stories, tips, or even your “HALT survival hacks” in the comments below! Let’s navigate these bumpy emotional roads together (with snacks, of course).