Tools for Complex PTSD: Showering
Such a simple task: get up in the morning, or right before bed, and clean ourselves. However, showering has a few things that can be challenging. Sometimes, our brains go through and have us think through every tiny detail of what we need to shower; we may dislike the sensation of the showering process, including the hot, cold, length of time, or even scents involved. In addition, some of you may have showering linked to previous abuse. Regarding CPTSD, showering is not a small task but a rather laborious daily task that takes time, effort, and spoons out of your day.
One of the first things to consider is what showering and hygiene can assist you with. Often, we get so caught up in ways that showering is dangerous or laborious that we ignore the benefits as to why WE would want to have clean bodies. Making this choice isn’t talking with your friends or therapist and getting a list of reasons why they think you should shower, but instead, your reasoning. Do you feel better after a shower? Does it feel more relaxing? Do you like smelling nicer? Do you feel better about leaving your space? Does it give you the ability to see people more frequently? Does it decrease the amount of shame you experience? Do you just like that you got some alone time?
Whatever your reasoning, make it for yourself. Changing your routine or something this big will not benefit you if you don’t give yourself a reason to add it. Changing it for the people around you, or changing it for the moment, will leave you feeling more shame or guilt and lead to reverting back to where you were. Mind you; this is a wonderful place to be if you are just starting your journey into recovery from CPTSD, as it takes time to make changes, grow into your sense of self, tolerate uncomfortable sensations, and build new habits.
So, what are common challenges to showering, and how do you overcome them?
Having to motivate yourself to take the shower
The challenge: This is one of the hardest things for people experiencing CPTSD as it means getting out of a frozen state and ultimately allowing your body to feel hypervigilant for a moment.
Changing direction: Take a moment to accept your options. If you are frozen, what could you do that may get you moving and be less intimidating? Could you take a plate that’s on your table to the sink? Could you just walk over and march in place? Give yourself a moment to start mobilizing, then decide to move or at least step into the shower for 2-5 minutes.
Getting completely undressed
The Challenge: This may lead to flashbacks, challenges with managing stress, and, again, hypervigilance. We may not feel safe, even if we are, and it may be scary to see our bodies.
Changing direction
Don’t get undressed entirely
Give yourself a sacrificial bathing suit that you wear into the shower
Only clean one thing at a time using a washcloth or baby wipes when you don’t need an “everything” shower.
Put a towel over the mirror so you don’t have to see yourself
Lock the door, and give yourself more privacy
Do a number of these things
You can opt for a bath instead of a shower, which may be more relaxing and allow you to be clean.
Overwhelming feelings of shame
The Challenge: We may start experiencing negative thoughts about ourselves when working towards regular hygiene. Thoughts might include “I should just be able to shower” or “If I’m not showering, I’m not wanted.” This can keep us from moving forward and often immobilize our lives. More shame usually means either more anxiety or depressive symptoms that are harder to help us overcome our difficulty showering.
Changing direction: Identify those negative beliefs keeping you from showering or handling yourself, and start looking at the truth and falsehoods of that statement. If we take apart the belief of “I should just be able to shower,” we might see the truth that others can shower easily, and it’s something I’ve had to do and continued to do throughout my life. A way that this is false includes that showering can be overwhelming, I’m still managing getting back on my feet and habits are complex, and even finding the energy to do small tasks that don’t include my normal functioning like work or family duties have needed to be put on the back burner. Looking at everything wholly allows us to see that, yes, showering is something I’ve done regularly, and I’ve got a lot going on right now. If I can only shower for minutes every few days, that is OK. Also, remember it’s alright if you’re having difficulty doing these mental gymnastics.
References:
Herman, J. L. (1997). Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence—From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror. Basic Books.
Van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Viking.
Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. W.W. Norton & Company.
Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. William Morrow.
Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. Gotham Books.
Resick, P. A., Monson, C. M., & Chard, K. M. (2017). Cognitive Processing Therapy for PTSD: A Comprehensive Manual. Guilford Press.
Linehan, M. M. (2014). DBT Skills Training Manual. Guilford Publications.
Clear, J. (2018). Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones. Avery.
Fogg, B. J. (2019). Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.
National Institute of Mental Health. (n.d.). Coping with Traumatic Stress. Retrieved from www.nimh.nih.gov
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). (2014). Trauma-Informed Care in Behavioral Health Services. Treatment Improvement Protocol (TIP) Series, No. 57. Rockville, MD: SAMHSA.
Ogden, P., & Fisher, J. (2015). Sensorimotor Psychotherapy: Interventions for Trauma and Attachment. W.W. Norton & Company.
Steele, K., van der Hart, O., & Nijenhuis, E. (2005). Dissociation in traumatized individuals: Understanding and treating chronic shame. Journal of Trauma & Dissociation, 6(4), 101–119.
